It’s Been a Long Time Coming

So I was going back and re-reading for my own amusement, my random stories of being hit on by men. I realize now it my older, more mature state that at times I did get unreasonably upset about these men hitting on me. Why is that we as women want the attention, but when get upset when we get it? Good question, right? All right men, you can stop nodding now.

A man’s persistence does interest me, though. Take for example the man my delightful mother decided that she was going to set me up with. First, let’s get this story started the right way. My mom calls me at work, she leaves me a message asking me to call her back. I, being a good daughter, call her back. We’re having a normal conversation and then she goes:

“Uh, hold on a minute…”

“Okay!”

What’s the next thing I hear from a deep manly voice but…

“Hello? Is this Jessica?”

Yes, my mom so did that. She told me to hold on, then put me on the phone with a man I don’t even know. True. Story. To my credit, I was very polite and had a nice conversation with him, at work, mind you. I ended up giving him my phone number because as usual in those situations with me, I feel pretty adventurous at first. Well, he proceeded to text message me around midnight. Now, if I had been writing this entry a few months ago that really wouldn’t have bothered me. Especially since the text didn’t wake me up. But I’ve been working on this not expressing intimacy too early in a relationship thing. Texting or calling someone you don’t know very well in the wee hours of the morning is not very condusive to my missive. I’ve also learned that text messages and calls after 11pm tend to take on a whole other shape…

So, needless to say, I was pretty turned off at that point. Along with that fact that he had a few other attributes that I wasn’t very attracted to. I was polite in my text messages and usually called him back when he called me, but after awhile it faded and I really didn’t do anything to make sure that didn’t happen. The flurry of text messages and phone calls I got before it reached that point was kind of amazing, though. I suppose that was the way that he was expressing his interest.

I guess I just feel like after getting out of this last datingship, I’m able to be a little more objective and smarter whenever I deal with the opposite sex. I definitely have a longing at times to be in a relationship with someone, but I’m also enjoying soaking up what I can while I’m single. I’m not really the kind of women who serial dates. I don’t think that if I go out on a date with 10 men, at least one has to be a good fit. That’s not science to me, that’s desparation. I’m sorry for those who disagree with me, and I don’t judge them, but that’s how I feel. I think many, many people interpret that as me not being a risk taker or putting myself out there in relationships, and I am absolutely willing to accept that. I do realize that I have much more of a sit back and wait kind of attitude when it comes to relationships. I just find that whenever I’ve gone and aggressively pursued being a relationship, not with a man, but just idea of being in one (yes, there’s a difference) I haven’t been successful on my own. I’m much more willing to just wait and let God work His magic. He’s already promised my heart’s cry to me, and now I just have to make sure I’m ready for him.

High Noon

Two words. Dis. Appointed. I’m sure you all know how I feel about Nora Roberts at this time. I took a break from reading her books having been up completely up to date with everything she had published up until few  years ago. I read Tribute which I feel most likely deserves it’s own review, and thought that I would get back into reading her novels again. It didn’t turn out well. For most of the book, I was thoroughly entertained and connected to her characters. What was weird was that I heard her voice in a lot of this novel, more so then in others. The other thing that I didn’t like was the fact that the end of the novel was so anti-climatic. I’ll be honest, I think part of the problem is the fact that this is one of the Lifetime movies premiering this month. I can already tell just from the previews that it’s not true to the novel, and think it’s a big turn off for me. I’ll have to give the movie a chance this evening, though. Yes, that’s what I do instead of going out on dates or with friends on a Saturday. Watch trashy, sometimes, terrible adpations of Nora Roberts novels on Lifetime. I promise I don’t make a habit of it. ; )

Oh, bloody hell.

So this guy slides up to me on the bus as I’m way to work this afternoon. Now, I’ve got my headphones and sunglasses on. He stamps his foot which makes a loud noise, to get my attention I realize later. Then he says to me….”is there any chance that I can get a piece of that?” Oh, Mother of pearl…how long did you have to sit and ponder that one hot stuff? I just ignored him, pretended that I couldn’t hear him. Thank God for ipods. Who knew they could be a man deflector! Then he slides back his seat and just stares at me with what Steven used to call “bedroom eyes.” Ugh…and he just stares. Like I’m gonna stop what I’m doing and have a conversation with him after that sleazy pick up line. Then he leans over across the aisle so that if I were gonna have to get up, it’d be right in his lap….which I’m sure is exactly where he wants me….and then he waves his hand in front of my face and points to his wrist. Will this never end?? I say “no,sorry.” and make sure not to smile at him…which is tough since smiling is much more natural then it used to be for me. But I’ve learned that men see smiling as encouragement, no matter what your body language is saying. They refuse to listen…ah, the male ego. So finally….I reach my destination, and of course it’s his stop too. He grandly sweeps his arm in front encouraging me to go off the bus first…either that or stare my ass. Man! I just thought of that now…ah, well. It’s over. I totally changed my silver band to my ring finger in case I was gonna have to pull a “oh, sorry. I’m married.” Yes. Yes, my friend. It was that bad.

GO A-WAY!!!

::DINGDINGDING!:: Uh-oh, what’s that sound?! It is time for RANDOM-MEN-WHO-HIT-ON-JESS TIME?! I think it is….So, I get off work on Sunday and I’m walking toward this bus station like thing. I only have to make this walk when I’m living in Reston, but it’s where like a bunch of buses meet. I see this one bus coming towards me, it is going in the opposite direction of the bus volley but I know that the route makes a big circle and so I’m thinking if he slows down and lets me on, I won’t have to walk the rest of the way. WHEE! Soo…he slows down, I slow down because I am powerwalking, there is no way that I am going to miss the bus that is waiting for ME at the bus volley. Do you know that man slows down, checks me out and then keeps going! I just realized now that that could be considered very insulting…But whatever, I keep walking. Powerwalking.

I arrive at the bus volley before Mr. Cruiser does. ‘Cause I’m just that cool. I walk up to my bus and the bus driver isn’t there, I figure he’s instead getting a snack or whatever (I wonder what he’s getting because I’m starving.) Then I see a guy in his uniform coming towards the bus, I’m thinking ohh, yay, here’s my bus driver. Nope. It’s Mr. Smooth. He walked all the way across the bus volley towards me. He tells me his name…Mario (too bad is wasn’t Lopez, I LOVE YOU SLATER!) Because believe you me, this man is no Slater. So he gives me his number on one of the bus schedules. His number! What kinda nerve is that?!?! The entire time he’s talking to me his just keeps running his eyes up and down, up and down. GO AWAY! I’m so glad the bus was right there because we were having to shout of the sound of the engine so I didn’t actually have to talk to him. I was so glad when my bus driver came back. So glad. GO A-WAY!!!

The Potential Heart-attack Giver…

So…another interesting story for you guys. I seem to be full of them lately. One of my guests who comes in frequently for services called while I was working a couple of weeks ago. I recognized his voice. So I was like “Good Afternoon Mr. *BEEP*(for privacy reasons and to cover Jess’ assets, guest’s name will not be mentioned)”  He was like: “Oh, hello. Oh is this?” I was like, “It’s Jessica.” So I take care of all of his needs spa wise and when I’m about to end the conversation Mr. *BEEP* says…

-You know Jessica, I think you’re very beautiful.
-….thank you Mr. *BEEP*. Have a nice..
-You’re probably married or something, aren’t you?
– …umm…
– I hope I’m not embarrasing you.
– *nervous chuckle*
– Will you be working when I come in for my appointment?
-Certainly, Mr. *BEEP*
-Good! I’ll see you then

And that was how the conversation ended….Now. MR. *BEEP* came in a couple of days ago…I was not working…poor me. He’s talking with a service provider. He tells the service provider about our conversation! I had already told because Mr. *BEEP* is her guest, so just wanted to make sure that she knew. Ha! The service provider fueled the fire! She was like “Yeah, she’s single! Next time you call you should ask to speak with her and ask her when she is going to be coming in so that you can talk to her.”
Mr. *BEEP* is like “Really!? That would be great because I really want to invite her to come to Flordia with me.” FLORIDA!!!!!! WHAT KIND OF A FIRST DATE IS THAT?!?! YOU’RE OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY FATHER!!!!
*calming sigh*
    So, that’s my story. That’s what I get for working around people who are stinking flithy rich. My favorite is that when I tell a girl she’s like:
“Hell, no! Don’t go…he’s probably gonna want you to do something really freaky!”
 When I tell a guy he’s like:
“Go! Just make sure he signs his estate over to you before you do anything. You’ll probably give him a heart attack before you even take all of your clothes off.”
*Sigh* That was almost verbatium
Now, don’t get me wrong. Mr. *BEEP* is a VERY nice man. He’s always a gentleman…but I don’t think so. Besides, I’m sure it was a passing fancy anyway.

Gross, gross, gross!

Explain this to me. How are you gonna roll on up someone…a stranger, a young female and then flash her your card with the line “Do you have a house?” I don’t know, but this is what happened to me yesterday. First of all, he was short, automatic minus ten points. Then i tell him that no, I don’t in fact need his help because my mother is a freaking real estate agent. Thank you VERY much. So he asks me for her card, I gave it to him…not thinking at all. Then he asks for my number. “My number?” I ask. “Yes, your number.” Okay, so he caught me at a time when I was feeling….adventurous, let’s say and so I gave him my home number. I figure, if he’s crazy, I’ll be at college in a week and he won’t be able to harass me there, right? He calls me at quarter to midnight, I don’t really notice what time it is because I’m watching a movie on my laptop, but when I hang up the phone I realize that he’s called me that late! He doesn’t know me that well!! The twenty minute conversation is about twenty minutes longer then it should have been. He asks me if I’m seeing anyone…okay, so I’d fibbed and said yes. But I have no interest in seeing him what-so-ever. So why lead him on? You know? Then he proceeds to lecture me about why I gave him my home number:

“Why didn’t you give me your cell?” He asks, and good question now that I think about it.
“Because you know, I’m trying to watch my minutes” I reply
“Well you know that I wouldn’t sit here and run up your minutes, I made sure to call you after nine.” (Um, hello. I DON’T know YOU)
“I’m a college student, trying to keep the expenses down.”
“Well, maybe someday I can take care of that for you.”
::Silence::
“Right?” He says with more hubris then I’d expect out of a first conversation

Um….Then he goes on to explain that I am unlike any other girl that he has ever met and even though I have a ::cough:: boyfriend, “you never know what could happen.” Now what the hell is that supposed to mean…you never know what could happen. Oh yeah, you are so totally gonna steal me away from my “boyfriend” Oh baby. Oh baby. What WAS his problem? Now he’s waiting for me to call him…which I might do if I hadn’t “accidently” throw away his business card. Sorry buddy, but I so don’t trust you, I suggest you stay away from me so that things don’t get ugly.

I knew something was coming when he slinked his way over.

So…wanna hear some randomness that happened to Jessica this week? It will display how I’m a freak magnet! SO! Jessica is walking to Banana Republic to purchase her much desired yellow croc-embossed clutch purse when a young man comes along to her and says…

Young Man: Hello, how are you?
Jessica: Hi…I’m good.
Young Man: I bet you’re a college student.
Jessica: ::what is it written on my forehead or something?:: Yep, I am
Young Man: I wish I could go to college, but I got into drugs and it f*cked up all my chances.
Jessica: …..
Young Man: ::offers hand:: Hi, I’m Shawn
Jessica: ::reluctantly takes hand, she can help it, it’s her damn good breeding:: Hi, Shawn.
Young Man: And your name?
Jessica: ::DAMN IT!:: Jessica…..
Young Man: ::Walking away:: Nice to meet you Jessica
Jessica: thinking ::What the flying f*ck was that?!::

Now….I know that I have some….how should I say….interesting experiences…but I really don’t think I’ve had any as random is this one. I know Becs is thinking of when the man asked me to be his mistress on the Metro, but no, this wins the randomness award. The old man on the Metro at least was staring at my breasts…I knew something was coming when he slinked his way over. *Sigh* Never a dull moment in the life of Jessica.