How do you constantly keep balance?
This summer has been an amazing experience for me. I’ve really begun to step out on my own and see what the world is like. But, if we forget where we’ve come from, we are doomed to stumble and find ourselves right back in the same spot that we were in before. Not say that I want to forget my family. I could never do that, they are always on my mind in one way or another. They’re my heart. But when I’ve had them so engrossed in my life, how do I make room for new things?
The first few years of college, my family wanted me to become independent, and so they were happy when I was around, but didn’t really seek out for me to come home. It was me who was always whining about wanting to be home. I used to get teary-eyed at the thought of having to go back to school. Now I’ve kinda outgrown that–I won’t lie, I still get a little sting in my eye somestimes, I’m emotional at times, I’m not afraid to admit it. And now when I go home, every single person (except for our birds with egos as big as their mouths) in the house is working. I’ll come home and no one’ll be home. And yet, they want me at home more often.
I feel like I’m being tugged in two different directions. It was really frustrating me until I realized that it’s just a part of growing up. Just like another facet of that W curve that I’m always teaching someone about. I realized it even more when I spoke with my little brother who is always asking me when I’m going to come home. Him and I have a special relationship because him and I spent a lot of time alone. My Mom was on appointments often, and my biological father was only God knows where.
But I had to explain to my little bro that our friendship was changing. That soon he’d be going to school and he would understand exactly how I feel right now. That just because I’m not at home, that doesn’t mean that I don’t think about him and wonder how he’s doing and what he’s doing. Or that I’m not there for him, that I’ll always make time for him. He just listened, but I could see in processing and felt much better. I think I realized that we both felt better after that conversation.
It’s funny because, I haven’t had that kind of conversation with my little sister so far. I know that a lot stuff goes unspoken between the two of us. She knows that when she needs help with something, she can call me. I also have to call her a lot more while my little brother’ll call me to see how I’m doing.
Being a big sister is a lot of work. But I seriously wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. I’m looking forward to a time when we’re all grown up and we have kids, i’m looking forward to seeing how our relationships are then.